kickette.com? it's a site I fancy

We sometimes forget that Fútbol players aren't just great athletes, they're also sex objects to be adored (i.e. shamelessly fantasized about in two's). For this reason alone we must thank the ever industrious team across the pond at Kickette.com, who work hard everyday bringing very important news on footballers and they're WAGs (wives and girlfriends, bitches, get a clue). And while it's no surprise that fútbol players love themselves some coke and hookers and/or random gold-digging socialite figures who can otherwise be confused as models or perfume spokespeople, it is always a surprise when David Beckham opens his fat trap and let's slip his quavering Kermit the Frog voice. But that's neither here nor there.

Ladies and genitals, let's have a hearty hulloh to Kickette.com - where it doesn't matter how you play the game, just who's fucking the people playing it.

Smells like Teen Spirit - Monday Movie Madness goes international

What you may not know, dear reader, is that I have a weak spot for teen flicks. And when these teen flicks are all about kids falling in love, making out with the wrong people for all the wrong reasons, and nerds avenging themselves in face of that evil which we will call 'High School', the few little heartstrings in the caverns of my chest are ever so delicately plucked. Which is why I was touched by the story of Sapphic love in Lukas Moodysson 'Show Me Love' (a.k.a Fucking Amål). And not simply because in the end love prevails, but also because it demonstrates, sans doute, the transnational suckitude that is being a teenager.

Without further ado:

1) Can one song ruin an entire movie? Yes, it can. Especially if it's Robin S's 1993 dance hit 'Show Me Love'. However, when the movie is set in Sweden one can make concessions. After all, we can't just blame the Swedes for their love of cheesy dance music. No, the Nordes in general (including Holland), have dubious tastes in all things cultural. Take Elin's boots as an example. But more broadly, such plagues as Ace of Base, Henrik Ibsen and death metal, whose fans, by the way, burned down churches that were centuries old, and even to a heathen such as myself is simply terrible, if not for the sheer historical consequences.

2) Other than that song, which we shall not name, the soundtrack was quite good. After all, a teen flick without punk music is like a prom without dirty dancing. Interestingly, as a teenager I was into big band jazz, which just goes to show how my prom turned out (or didn't turn out, for that matter).

3) This movie followed the standard teen flick formula that we all know and love. There's the bad kid (Elin), who also happens to be the cool kid that hangs with the "In" crowd. She comes from a broken home with absentee parents, is sexually active and likes to party. Then there's the good kid (Agnes), who happens to be the nerdy outsider, who mostly spends time at home. She comes from a seemingly healthy family with reasonable and understanding parents, and enjoys writing in her journal and staring at pictures of her crush. When these two characters meet, there is an initial conflict that then leads to a reconciliation and, after much emotional melodrama, otherwise known as "being a shitty teenager", at last leads to an alliance, breaking the stereotypical mold of high school life and reminding us all that to be truly happy we must remain true to ourselves. Normally, this formulaic plot is ridiculous, albeit insanely entertaining. And while I'm biased towards teen movies in general, I can say that Show Me Love is one of the better teen flicks I've seen and more closely resembles an actual "film". As opposed to its American counterparts, which more closely resemble a Lifetime movie on amphetamines. So basically, its a teen movie for adults. This is to say that on a scale of believability, its a notch above "Drive Me Crazy" and a notch below "Elephant" (although nowhere near the awesomeness that is "La Boum"). And speaking as an adult, that's a happy median.

4) I guess if your cool enough you can proverbially/literally and confidently come out of the closet in front of all your peers and everything will be ok.

5) Perfect ending -teenagers doing what they do best, talking about nothing important.

So there it is. My review of Show Me Love. The acting was above-par and the direction was solid (I think?). This movie deserves an 8.2.

When a Harebrained Scheme Goes Awray (or Monday Movie Madness)

This is the kind of movie that warrants investigation on the accuracy of what is being told. And now that I know the truth, I'm not sure which story I like better. The fictitious Bonnie and Clyde by Arthur Penn, or the real life Bonnie and Clyde...of Wikipedia.

What really struck me about this story, both the Penn and real-life version, is that the most interesting character is Bonnie Parker. Its as if she doesn't really fit into the story and yet she eclipses everything else within it. That said, from the minimal research I conducted, it appears that in real life, Bonnie Parker wasn't just a small-town girl looking for an out. No my friend. And if we can believe the wikipedia entry (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bonnie_and_Clyde) that states that Bonnie was actually an honor roll student who, "excelled in creative writing, won a County League contest in literary arts,...[6] and even gave introductory speeches for local politicians", then we'd have to wonder why a girl would be so desperate to leave her rural home? It doesn't sound too bad. Kind of homey and all-American, which is quite nice really.

I guess the real-life Bonnie just imagined something different for herself. And I think Penn did a good job of showing this.

Here Penn paints Bonnie as a beautiful misfit, enveloped in a world of romance. A kind of Gilgamesh, unfurling towards the distant dream of immortality at the expense of her own. Clyde, on the other hand, just kind of floats onto the scene. A mediocre small time robber, who on top of being emasculated by his own impotence, is just a shadow compared to Bonnie. And perhaps Penn took a bit of artistic license there, but I like it.

However, what I like even more is the possibility that Bonnie purposefully jeopardized her future just for kicks. And I can respect that perhaps she was more imaginative than practical. And of course, I like to think that she never really loved Clyde, but rather that she used him as a vehicle for her adventures, whose motivations, by the way, we're still not fully informed of. After all, what can a petty thief bring a girl on the honor roll (besides down)?

1. Let's just get the most important bit out of the way - how ridiculously beautiful is Faye Dunaway? One can't imagine a better Bonnie Parker. And Warren Beatty, who is a supposed hunk, doesn't even compare.

2. Those little bumblefuck towns are creepy. If I grew up in one of them I'd be desperate to get out of there too. Or I'd probably be an inbreed, and thus wouldn't be able to tell left from right. Note: As an Armenian I probably am inbred somewhere down the genetic grapevine, which probably explains why I can't tell left from right.

3. W.D is an idiot, but his daddy sure is clever.

4. Fantastic death scene. You could almost feel it. And the way Bonnie just hung there like a leaky bag of jelly, brilliant.

At any rate, this is one of those movies that's good on film but better in hindsight. And I think the movie works best in tandem with the "real-life" story, thus the average rating is pulled up to an 8.5. Go Bonnie!