Evolution strikes again!

As if I needed more reasons to believe that pregnancy is something out of an van Vogt novel, scientists have discovered a new element to the mechanism of birthing. According to the article on NPR News, evolution has adapted women's vertebrae to be wedge shaped, unlike their testicular counterparts whose vertebrae has remained the same. These wedged vertebrae allow for the spine to become more S like throughout the pregnancy. This helps the back muscles support the cumbersome load of the growing fetus and the gallons of goop and goo that encase it, thus making pregnancy easier. So now the only hard part of spawning is trying to remember who the father is. Sigh.

One of the authors of the article, Liza Shapiro, explains that the evolutionary impetus is a result of being a biped and having to carry the load in the front of the body. Shapiro likens the experience to that of carrying a box, and states "The weight of the box is trying to pull you forward, so in order to offset that weight, you have to … contract your back muscles to push your spine the other way." And while harbouring a fetus is like carrying a box, once you put down the box, the box doesn't shit itself every other hour and then grow up to disappoint you.

None the less, I like evolution's chutzpah. Specifically the way it turns a blind eye to over-population and dwindling resources, and forges ahead with its agenda to facilitate human procreation. Never mind helping tigers and other endangered species adapt with claws that turn into Kalashnikov-esque assault rifles, or in the least, giving them Aristotelian reason and the ability to speak in human tongues. I also tip my hat to evolution for making females more evolved than males, which consequently helps to purvey my dream of institutionalized male servitude.

Lastly, I'd like to note that i was born without wisdom teeth, which makes me super-highly evolutionized. And if evolution were to ask me what I would like to have adapted, I'd say that I would like to have my tail back. Because frankly, tails are sexy.