Don't bogart the genetic decoding, man

I'm all for science. After all, I claim to be somewhat methodological in nature myself. So when I read this month's cover story from WIRED magazine "Your Life Decoded", I was happy to see that the business of genetic decoding was being handed to the common man.


Indeed, it would be great to put a little spittle into a cup (2.5 milliliters to be exact), send it off to the lab, and in a few months get an e-mail with all your genetic history splayed out for your perusal on your very own e-file. However, as I mentioned this is a business, and genetic decoding don't come cheap. Well I'll be honest, the genetic decoding service provided by 23andME, a company that claims to "give people a look at their genome and help them make sense of it", isn't all that expensive when viewed with bourgeois sensibilities. In fact, the entire 23andME service costs a mere $1,000, which is chump change when compared to all the other gadgets and gizmos, and frivolities that we purchase these days (you can also get your entire genome examined for a silly $250,000).

So for this mere $1,000, here's what you get: navigate through your 23 chromosomes, a scholarly investigation that relates your genome with current research on various health conditions like diabetes and Chrohns, an ancestral overview of your DNA, and a type of DNA networking page where you can compare your genome to those of your familiars. So essentially, with this service you can learn what diseases your prone to get in the future so that you can take measures to rebuff them in the present. Thus, you can live longer, stronger, and happier, knowing that while you cheated death for a decade or so, your fellow humans are dying away and suffering terrible, fatal diseases. Go you!

However, the sociologist in me can't help but give a disconcerted head-shake. Once again science is evading a large demographic of individuals who can't afford to fork up for a little genetic decoding. Demographically speaking, in the US, Hispanics and Blacks have lower household incomes than Non-Hispanic Whites. So frankly, I'm starting to think that along with cryogenic freezing and stem cell therapy, this new service is all part of the scientific community's ploy to promote an all-White planet Earth. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, science is racist! And since Jesus loves all the little children, it's easy to see why so many poor folk turn to God instead of science. Mystery solved.

But becuase I'm in favor of science and against racism, I'm sort of in a moral bind. Should I let God win the hearts and minds of the poor and/or colored? Or should I let science triumph in the name of racism?

Well, fret not poor and/or colored people of the US! I have a similar and free service for you. It's called, numerology. Basically, you add the digits of your birthday to get one single "Life Path" digit. Then you go here:

http://www.astrology-numerology.com/num-lifepath.html

From there you can figure out what your life is all about; what wills you and what will be your demise. Now I know that its not really the same as genetic decoding, but frankly, who cares. Only the rich and over educated are paranoid enough to take proactive steps to increase their longevity and forsake some of life's greatest pleasures like drink, and chocolate, and threesomes. And I don't want to toot my intellectual horn here, but isn't numerology a kind of rudimentary genetic decoding? Or put differently, isn't DNA a set of genetic instructions guided by numerological precepts like division and addition?

So take that science! You're plan for a "Bright White Future" has been foiled.

As for you God, I'll deal with you later.