The only thing that brings me more joy than deciphering a Thomas Pynchon novel is deciphering Lauren Conrad's wordless expressions. That's to say, despite being a sophisticated intellectual, I love TV. More specifically, I love reality TV. And when people refer to reality TV as "mindless garbage" a little piece of me dies.
The Hills, for instance, is to the 21st century what Three's Company was to the 20th century. An incredibly entertaining, often creepy display of sexually ambiguous cavorting, incestuous enterprises, and emotional abuse, all set in a place where there are palm trees and roller skaters. And now that I think of it, most reality TV is set in sunny locations with palm trees. Which i suppose makes sense, since as we all know, you can't see titties beneath a parka.
I also love The Real Housewives of the Orange County. Do I care where Orange County is? No. Does Lauri's face reflect the look of someone who's been sitting in a pair of piss-stained trousers? Yes. And why do these women's mouths remind me of vaginae? Its a subconscious archetype. Like Santa Claus, this show is beyond ridiculous and thus can be classified as magical.
Don't get me wrong though, I'm not completely indiscriminate. I tried Keeping Up with the Kardashians, and well, fell behind. But when Kim Kardashian feigned modesty, worried about taking her clothes off for Playboy, it was just too much for me. This from a girl that gives blow-jobs on tape for profit. Haven't the Armenians suffered enough?
Reality TV aside, scripted TV (now don't get confused) is equally entertaining. For instance, I still watch The Nanny despite having exhausted every episode. And thankfully its awkward morning time slot of 8am does not affect my commute. And then there's the food channel. This channel has the best of the worst. Rachel Ray, who needs to stop tucking in her shirt, and Giada De Laurentis, whose head is ginormous (yes, bigger than mine), both have multiple shows that are simultaneously annoying and engaging. And then there are the shows where people go ghost hunting. I also love these. Why? Because like a dog that stops to lick it's balls in the middle of the street, there are just some things that are so good they defy reason.
2 comments:
i can't really argue with you on the kardashians in terms of its narrative scope. it is rather insufferable. but i think kim and roughly 13 of her 16 or so sisters and cousins are so delicious, they really should be on the food network.
and no, not boiling in some witch cauldron!
You had me at "Thomas Pynchon" and "Lauren Conrad." And in the same sentence!
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